There are five love languages in case you’ve been living in a cave since 1992. Some people feel they’re loved or express love through acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, and receiving gifts. American author Gary Chapman discussed each one in detail in his book entitled, “The Five Love Languages,” released in 1992. Each one is pretty self-explanatory in theory but always difficult to show or express to someone else, especially if it’s not the person’s own love language. But I guess that’s the beauty of loving others, we are willing to understand their love language to show them how much they mean to us. Understanding the five love languages and adjusting to each foster an environment that’s loving, giving, motivating, and inspiring.
Acts of Service
One love language that is criticized at best is “Acts of Service.” Some dismiss it as being lazy because, for people who feel loved through acts of service, the service must be done for them, not necessarily with them. In their defense, it’s not about being lazy or delegating another task to someone, it’s actually the effort to take time away from their personal lives as well as do it without coercion or request, makes a person who loves Acts of Service feel loved.
It’s also important to note that a person with this love language only feels loved when the act of service is done when it’s not or least expected. If an act of service becomes regular, its value diminishes and someone may not feel so loved by the act in question anymore. For instance, let’s say my mom’s love language is Acts of Service. Every Sunday, she goes to the market to buy wet goods on her own. I decided to come with her to help her carry the load and give her company---this I would go on to do for the next three months. My mom who has grown used to it would approach me and still say she feels unloved. Helping her to shop has become so regular that mom would fail to see the effort involved in the act while I, on the other hand, would feel frustrated that my efforts to show I care are taken for granted. While this is true for many, it doesn’t mean that it couldn’t be resolved through a heart-to-heart talk.
So how do you know if your love language is Acts of Service? To reiterate the above, it’s when you feel most loved by someone who does something out of their way just to make you smile. You most probably believe and overuse the saying, “Actions speak louder than words.” Words don’t move you as much as actions do because, for you, the latter is the true test of someone’s love.
Ways to Plan an Act of Service
For an act of service to work, the service isn’t as simple as getting your chores done or watering the plants. It must be something that your loved one finds meaningful. Here are ways to spot an act of service that will be perfect for that special person:
1. Listen closely to what your person doesn’t like doing or feels stressed to do and is always complaining about. Whether it’s doing the laundry or cleaning the refrigerator, surprise him or her by saying you’ve already done it. Maybe you’ve also noticed that her workstation is full of clutter, take the liberty to order storage solutions for her like the Flexispot Mesh Desk Organizer or Under Desk Drawer. The mesh desk organizer has a compartmentalized pull-out bottom drawer and can display everything in sight because of its mesh material. Your partner will easily be able to see her items even though she wasn’t the one who cleaned them. The Under Desk Drawer can be mounted on the bottom of her desktop and be pulled out anytime to reach out for desk essentials.
2. Observe the little things. Take note of her midnight cravings or how frequent he loves his massages. Write down her simple desires in future plans or which pizza joint and flavor are his favorite. All of these will come in handy at some time in the future.
3. Be present during stressful times. Even when not asked, offer a helping hand and make sure to deliver. Relieve your friend or your loved one from their present predicament by taking care of the small things like making sure they have already eaten even though they are busy and stressed.
4. Tap on things you do best. Offer to help at something you’re good at and he or she does not have any clue about. Offer your expertise and use your strengths. For example, if you are good at decorating a room and your partner wants a room makeover, contact the best contractors to help you create a bed or a cabinet from scratch.
If you are good at assembling things, pick up some hardware tools and install floating shelves from Flexispot, standing desk, or ergonomic chair.
5. Take into consideration your schedule. You won’t always have the time and other resources to do an act of service. Sometimes, even if you want to do it strongly, there’s just no way you can. So in a way, plan out your acts of service for them to become reality.
No Expectations
If you’re on the other end and you love to receive acts of service rather than give them out, make sure your loved one knows. You can’t make them guess what you want without communicating it properly. The important thing is that you are reasonable. You are able to manage your expectations based on your partner’s capability and schedule at the moment. You don’t give anyone the cold shoulder if you are expecting a return from your service. First of all, you are helping out not because you are expecting something in return, but you are doing it from the heart because you love the person you are giving it to.
